If SDBs were practiced only once and then forgotten, they might serve as an expedient and effective way of dealing with a stressful situation. But when practiced repeatedly they can lead to negative, harmful patterns. Key point: Self-defeating behaviors are negative patterns of thinking, behavioral actions, emotional reactions.
What are your responses to stressful situations? The way you respond to one stressful situation can become a negative pattern of responses to future stressors. A trigger pattern typically has three dimensions: 1 When — A particular time of day, week, month or year you are most likely to practice the behavior.
Although SDBs are negative patterns developed over time and triggered by circumstances that may seem out of your control, each time you practice an SDB you make a new choice to do so. And once you make that choice—which I call recreating the SDB—an outward manifestation of that attitude or behavior follows. This concept can be pretty difficult to understand if you feel your actions are out of your control. However, thinking your actions are not in your control is a faulty belief.
Certainly, smoking may seem like an automatic response to a stressful situation. Such conclusions are the basis for all SDBs. They are composed of incorrect or incomplete evaluations about a situation and promises about what will happen if an SDB is practiced. The human mind complexity : The conscious mind is where people abstract and think; the place where their thoughts are in full awareness.
The subconscious mind is where ideas and thoughts can be quite unclear or foggy. Many people are unaware of the operations of this area of the mind, and this is where our SDB conclusions are stored. Our SDBs are largely dictated by the subconscious area of the mind, until we learn to make the subconscious thoughts Conscious thoughts.
Key point: If you want to change a negative behavior, you must understand—become aware of—the conclusion that drives the behavior. For every SDB, there are inevitable consequences, or prices. The prices you pay for overeating, for example, might include such physical prices as excess weight, lack of energy, and cardiovascular disease.
The prices for alcohol and drug abuse could include hangovers and liver damage. But physical prices are only part of the problem. SDBs can lead to high mental consequences, including depression, anxiety, fear, loneliness, and loss of self-respect. Life-promoting behaviors contribute to personal development, allow us to benefit from our experiences and help us to operate consistently with how we are designed as human beings.
They open the door to harmoniously fitting into the larger scheme of things in the universe. Life-giving behaviors, as the name suggests, create life in us and in those with whom we come into contact.
Your reality-based conclusion will tell you that the first of the alternatives is both illogical and counter-productive. Do you want a fulfilling life? However, you know it is not that simple. That is where I step in. This begins with learning what situations or relationships trigger you, then learning that you control who and what you allow in your life.
The last part of this is learning how to put that control to use. Your old ways may not just vanish into thin air though we wish they would! It is most helpful to begin rebuilding healthy coping strategies in life. Filling your experiences with positive people, interactions or environments becomes rewarding and begins to change the way we perceive things.
Through these experiences you begin to learn new skills that you can actively insert when you begin to feel old habits creeping up.
Practicing new skills and starting to change past behaviors takes time. Patience is required. Learn from situations where you could have done differently.
Practice being mindful and present in the moment so that you can make clearheaded decisions when faced with familiar situations. If you or a loved one are stuck in a cycle of self-defeating behavior such as addiction, our outpatient program can help. Give us a call today!
This site uses cookies to track visits and help us better serve our visitors. If not, how can I transform it into something I can use to help me?
Does it reflect the truth or just my worst fears about myself and the world? Plus, I might learn what I need to improve. Is it a success if I meet others in the organization I want to get to know? Is it a success if the project fails but I get to show my ambition and integrity or maybe my super math skills?
How will I feel if the next person does no better at it than I would have? How will I feel if I let fear or uncertainty alone make my decision? Taking on my fears, and challenging my uncertainty is a success for me, no matter the outcome.
Fisher has found that changing self-defeating thoughts can be hard, which is why she suggested seeking support. Self-defeating thoughts convince you that you are deeply deficient and undeserving. Rather, you can identify them. You can name them. Why do we need to live life?
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